Can Anyone Critic My College Application Essay?

admin — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 16:44:41 +0000

Hey, I just wrote this essay to apply to Georgetown University. Hopefully, you find it interesting but just a few questions. Like is it too out there and theoretical (makes sense when you read it)?
I was told to do this essay on a topic of your choice:
The months leading up to the 2008 presidential election were marked by an expectedly heightened interest in politics at my high school. Students divided themselves as democrats and republicans. Almost as historic as this election was to the nation, was a startling conclusion that I drew from it. I noticed with staggering uniformity that the students’ political parties were shared with their parents. I too was equally victim of this moral hijacking. Similarly, I found, in an even more disquieting trend, that all students shared a common religion with their families. While this may come as obvious, it has unsettling implications about the emergence of one’s character and overall personality.
Parents have this supreme influence over children’s political and religious orientations. The environment overall in which we all develop must have an omnipotent sway over our personality and moral fiber. Simply, why am I a devout Orlando Magic basketball fan, it is because I lived for over ten years in Orlando. I have a desire to be successful in the business world because I have experienced and detest economic mediocrity. I have since been plagued with the question, how much of me, actually is me? It’s something you cannot escape.
Inherent in the theory that environment controls your personality is the fundamental logic of cause and effect. I lived in the Florida sunshine for ten years; as a result, I dislike the New England cold. Even more pervading, all daily monotony is founded in this controlling principle of cause and effect. I am thirsty and therefore I drink, I aspire to attend Georgetown University therefore I am writing this essay. In biology, I have learned that many cellular mechanisms are regulated by surpluses of a particular compound and have a finite relationship between this cause and its affect on cellular metabolism. I see the conditions of society and our families to have a similar cause and effect on our development.
While the bondage of our environment is seemingly unbreakable in its influence on personality and even biological activity, one question pervades this cloud of hopelessness. In the absolute dawn of time, how could that original, catalytic activity have occurred without have its source rooted yet another cause? Even though the 2008 election caused and stimulated a helpless outlook my life, it nonetheless gave me a greater appreciation for life itself.

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Can Anyone Critic My College Application Essay?